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I follow a lot of boss babes and inspirational accounts on Instagram that are tailored towards successful and yet imperfect women (yes I am). As such, those accounts have been flooding my feed these last 2 weeks with quotes and posts geared towards 2024. What’s interesting is that the words are not pushing me to make resolutions and do better, be stronger, do more, or be authentically unapologetically myself, but instead are encouraging me to think deeply, take a breath, and give myself permission to enter the new year quietly.
There have been moments this year that have been challenging. Feelings of betrayal and hurt, redefining who has my back, red flag clients whom I said yes to (when I should have said no), failure to receive grace from people who not only ask for – but expect – grace when they need it, and a series of mistakes that felt small but then somehow accumulated and unexpectedly dumped down on me like a cold bucket of ice water, seemingly washing away all the good I previously had done leading up to those moments.
And then I saw this quote and it took hold and wouldn’t let go: “If you went back and fixed all the mistakes you’ve ever made, you would erase yourself.”
That hit home. And I started to really think about mistakes in my life.
When I look back at the work I have done on myself (and with coaches and counselors) in my 30s and now 40s, at the choices I made, at the business and personal growth I have achieved, and at my successes, I attribute much change for good to mistakes that triggered that change. When I let my mistakes define me I did so for the better. And if I erased every mistake I ever made I would disappear, and so would many of the amazing things – and people – in my life.
Which brings me to forgiveness. A colleague of mine recently shared an interesting perspective on this. He said giving forgiveness to others is actually more for the giver, the forgiver, than the forgiven. If you carry around the anger, if you withhold forgiveness, you are actually hurting yourself more than anyone else, because withholding forgiveness is heavy – like rocks in your backpack – and you are the one carrying that backpack around, day in and day out. When you give forgiveness you lighten your own load, and who doesn’t need less to carry in life? I thought that was a wise way to frame up forgiveness. And I took it a step further because while it’s hard to forgive others, it’s sometimes harder to forgive yourself. But what I know is that by giving myself grace, and forgiving myself, for some mistakes (and apologizing for and learning from others), I have allowed those mistakes to lead to good – sometimes great – things.
What does all this mean for 2024? It means I will continue to be imperfect. I will make mistakes. But I will learn, and use that knowledge to do differently – and better – tomorrow. It will not always work. Sometimes I will fall. But I will ask for grace when I need it. And I will forgive myself as well as those who turn their backs and act without giving grace. I will try to go high when others go low (thanks Michelle Obama). And I hope my backpack will feel lighter for it.
Happy New Year!
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